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W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields Motivational Quotations
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”
“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
”Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”
‘’Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.”
“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”
“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.’
“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”
“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”
”If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”
‘’I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy”.
“I never vote for anyone. I always vote against’’
‘’Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times’’.
‘’The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath’’.
‘’It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to’’.
‘’Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again’’.
‘’t's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money’’.
‘”Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch’’.
“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it’’.
‘’I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do’’.
‘’All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women’’.
“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler’’.
“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against’’.
‘’A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her’’
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water’’.
‘’It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it”.
‘’I drink therefore I am”.
‘’I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally”.
“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes”.
“Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed”.
“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive”.
“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned”.
“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one”.
“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water”.
‘’Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch”.
“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad”.
“I must have a drink of breakfast”.
‘’Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting”?
‘’I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for’’.
“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty’’.
“Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket’’.
“On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia’’.
“I like children – fried’’.
‘’You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it”.
‘’If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind”.
‘’Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil”.
‘’Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink”.
‘’I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming”.
“Never give a sucker an even break”.
“The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart”.
“If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind”.
“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink”.
“Never give a sucker an even break’’.
“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison”.
“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy”.
“I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything”.
“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home”.
“I never met a kid I liked”.