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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes - Fun does many things for us; having fun gives us an opportunity to connect with people of different nature and be creative. Fun improves our relationships both at work and in life. When you have fun with others, these experiences have a positive effect on building trust and developing communication. Fun reduces our stress levels and often boosts vitality. Fun can make you more energetic and youthful.

There are a lot of ways to have fun.  Some people use jokes and humor to have fun, some play games, some watch funny movies and read funny books, funny quotes etc. Here we list funny quotes by famous authors and comedians :

Funny Quotes:

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” 

- George Carlin

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” 

- Phyllis Diller

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Mahatma Gandhi)

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” 

- Mark Twain

Funny Quotes “What the hell is that?" I laughed.

"It's my fox hat."

"Your fox hat?"

"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."

"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.

"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.” 

- John Green

Funny Quotes “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” 

- Marilyn Monroe

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” 

- Ellen DeGeneres

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” 

- Albert Einstein

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” 

- Cathy Guisewite

“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?” 

- Jerry Seinfeld

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” 

- Winston S. Churchill

“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.” 

- Bill Cosby

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

- George Carlin

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.”

- Reba McEntire

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

- Elbert Hubbard

“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”

- Abraham Lincoln

“If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.”

- Tallulah Bankhead

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

- Jim Carrey

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”

- Fred Allen

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

- Winston Churchill

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

- Chris Rock

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”

- Isaac Asimov

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”

- Margaret Mead

“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

- Will Rogers

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”

- Anthony Burgess

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

- Mitch Hedberg

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

- Henny Youngman

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

- Mark Twain

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”

- Thomas Sowell

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”

- Benjamin Franklin

“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.”

- W. H. Auden

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”

- Ron White

“Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.”

- Eminem

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

- Rodney Dangerfield

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”

- Abraham Lincoln

“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” 

- Suzanne Collins

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

- Lily Tomlin

“Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.”

- Brooke Shields

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”

- Lana Turner

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”

- Hedy Lamarr

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

- Douglas Adams

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

- George Carlin

“Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.”

- Thor Heyerdahl

Funny Quotes

“If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

- Robin Williams

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

- Theodore Roosevelt

“Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”

- E. B. White

“Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.”

- Joan Rivers

“By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.”

- Richard Dawkins

“We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.”

- Sheena Easton

“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”

- Albert Einstein

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